ANY SURGERY PROMISING TO INCREASE SIZE

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"ANY SURGERY PROMISING TO INCREASE SIZE – ENILE ENHANCEMENT SURGERY OR CELLOPLASTY – THE RESULTS ARE NOT VERY ENCOURAGING. NOT UNTIL ONE HAS CLEARED ALL DOUBT, AND UNLESS THERE IS GENUINE NEED, ONE SHOULD NOT GO FOR IT. IT SHOULD BE THE LAST RESORT" – DR PRAKASH KOTHARI

You know what they say about men with big feet?” wondered Julia Roberts aloud to Hugh Grant in that sunny sweet romantic comedy, Notting Hill. She of course chickened out of the actual rhyme and playfully offered “big feet… large shoes” for the answer.

Whether the size of feet is any indication of the third foot is for the myths department to clarify, but whether meat well hung is indeed a criterion to trigger off those pleasured moans has as many answers as there are members. Size is to man what weight is to a woman. As if getting sex wasn’t enough of a challenge by itself – what with all the grooming to be done and pick-up lines to be rehearsed – parking woes too prove to be quite a bit of stress for a guy and his pony. Though women are usually known to be far too polite to diss a man squarely on his face for his underwhelming assets – we know this because the blogosphere and online groups are filled with pent-up frustration of some 'O-not-so-happy womenfolk' – most men do fret about their insufficient trunks becoming subjects of ‘small’ talk at a party.

Says leading sexologist of Asia, author, and Founder Member of Advisory Committee, World Association for Sexual Heath (WAS), Dr Prakash Kothari, “For sexual gratification, there is a minimum length which is required. But sexual pleasure is not a performance to be gauged; it is pleasure to be shared between two individuals… An archer, as you know, is known by his aim and not by the length of his arrow.

Size of the erect penis anywhere above of two inches is good enough. I believe “the longer the better” is Godzilla logic. What is important is satisfaction of the partner. If a man is unable to satisfy, due to being unable to perform or if he reaches climax too soon, or whatever be the reason, then Vatsyayana mentioned 1600 years ago, that the man should use one of oral sex, masturbation or artificial penis, or what are now known as vibrators or dildos. What’s important is satisfaction, and not the act per se.”

Length of a woman’s piece of real estate doesn’t really come close to long schlong concerns, but even if there were such a thing, Anna Arrowsmith (See ‘Up, Close and Personal’) assures us, “I remember reading The Female Eunuch where Germane Greer says no woman likes to think of herself as having a large vagina, and that was back in the 70s. Women do worry about this, but for us at least there are pelvic floor exercises that help an awful lot and pretty quickly too, which is more help than men get.”

Men can probably take heart in the fact that ultimately what lies between the ears, than that between the legs, is found more covetable by the fairer sex, though the skill to make the gong strike the G-spot certainly doesn’t go unappreciated. In any case, the XL fellows have their own set of problems to contend with, something like a Hummer with mileage issues/in city traffic. At the end of the day (not necessarily), emotional propositioning and decent positioning will go a long way for little Johns to make bragworthy bedroom conquests too.

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Anna Arrowsmith shares her perspective on size concerns

Managing director of adult entertainment firm Easy on the Eye, and female porn film director for over 12 years.

Apart from size, what other elements is pleasure a function of?

Pleasure comes from the understanding that sex is different from other things in life; it is a game with its own rules. Of course, respect and consent are key, but after that all else is about pleasure. For instance, dominatrixes' dungeons are full of professional men who are very demanding in the rest of their lives/jobs. Yet they pay large amounts to be spanked and spoken down to. Sex often acts as a counterbalance to the stresses and expectations of the rest of life. Don't engage the head (or the morals) too much. It follows that what happens in the bedroom stays there too.

Does porn serve to raise expectations and thus leads to increased feelings of inadequacies inside the bedroom?

Only if people already think negatively about porn, but those people will always be looking for reasons to add to their list of negative beliefs about the industry. It is unfair to blame the industry for raising expectations when other forms of film are not blamed in the same way. Imagine complaining to comedians that they set an example of life that is far funnier than reality, and thus we are all depressed with our real lives as a result. Porn directors don't prefer to show real sex, we show sexual entertainment. I think porn also does a good thing if it causes people to ask questions about how fulfilling their sex lives are, to a point. Why not try something new? The biggest killers of relationships are boredom and over-familiarity, not overactive sexual imaginations.

Anna Arrowsmith’s tips to enhance pleasure between the sheets...

My only tip would be to assume that your partner has more pent up sexual desires than polite society lets them voice (after all, don't you?). Sex becomes alive after this threshold has been surpassed. The trouble is, even in a world where sexual pleasure is being spoken about more and more, it can still be very difficult to overcome embarrassment and fear in your own relationship. Communication is key, as is having an open mind whilst respecting both yourself and your partner. In my experience too, women have a wider (and often more politically incorrect!) set of fantasies than men.

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THE VIAGRA REVOLUTION HAS CAUGHT THE IMAGINATION OF INDIANS BUT LOCAL APHRODISIACS STILL RETAIN THEIR USES

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There are only but a few things that fetch instant unanimity. Sex, for instance. Doctors the world over agree one of the drivers of good health is good sex every day, no doubt. But for those living amidst the din and bustle of urban metropolises, where the routine and drudgery of office and professional life is enough to slow down, if not actually finish off sexual appetites when getting into bed itself becomes an ordeal, people are turning to aphrodisiac-fired Viagra to heighten their libidos.

While the local sex stimulator has always come handy – with an abundance of sex clinics willing to impart education and technique – the emergence of the blue magic pill has radically altered the scenario.

Launched in the US market in April 1988, Viagra has become all the rage with more than three million prescriptions written for it. The oral medication has been hugely successful in not only treating impotence but also enhancing sexual performance to a great extent. Launched to control high blood pressure, Viagra's efficiency to treat impotence was discovered only later, and that too by accident.

Since then, the magical pill has given the local aphrodisiacs where ever they may be, a run for their money. India's tryst with Viagra began in 2005 when it was launched locally. To begin with, the availability of the pill was a problem, but no longer. Over a period of time it has become the magic word for close to 100 million Indians suffering from erectile dysfunction. The 50 mg tablet priced at Rs 463 is now easily available at the local shops while markets are flushed with about 15 versions of the Viagra, priced for as little as Rs 22. It is because of its low price value that many Indians – though still a minuscule minority of the population – have started using it at the cost of traditional therapies. For example: Rajesh Tripathi, who once regularly used Unani aphrodisiacs to impress his partner, has now turned to Viagra.

"There is no substitute for Viagra as it gives instant results. I have used Unani and other desi approaches, but I like the blue pill as it does not take time. With this pill I can also go on for a longer time." This is not to suggest that the arrival of Viagra has completely finished the local vaid and hakim. They continue to have their own loyal following, particularly in rural areas and amongst those who fear the Viagra because of its supposed side effects. Plus, there are many who are willing to pitch in their lot with Unani and Ayurveda medicines as a safer bet. Hakim Syed Obaid-us-Salam, who runs a dispensary in Ghaziabad, concedes that there is no alternative to Viagra in the Unani stream of medicine because of the different approaches to treatment.

"We go to the root of the disease and try to nip the aliment whereas Viagra is different as it only increases blood circulation locally, enhancing sexual performance. Its excessive use can lead to headache, bleeding and heart attack." Dr SV Kotwal, who heads the urologist department at Sitaram Bhartia, says the arrival of Viagra has opened an avenue never available earlier. "Many clones are easily available in India. I have prescribed it to many patients as it is effective," he points out.

With the rush of this sexual adrenaline, even Homeopathy claims it has a solution for the low libido. According to Homeopathy practitioner Jawed Ahmed, there are medicines available in his stream that can treat impotency and other problems. "Our way of treatment is different from Allopathy. There is no instant relief in Homeopathy, a patient has to go through the treatment for a long period of time." Some known Homeopathy brands of aphrodisiacs include Damiana and Salimum. Yoga too, traditionally, has asanas that help improve the libido. But these treatments take time. The realty is that none of them may come close to Viagra as far as improvement in sexual prowess is concerned.

Viagra's biggest asset is its price when compared to local sex-enhancing medicines. For about Rs 300, there could be a dramatic improvement in their performance as compared to Unani and Auyrvedic medicines which are expensive. Besides, the treatment methodology in traditional techniques is also time-consuming. Tripathi, who has at some or the other time used all the local brands, says their best results can be obtained in months, if not years. Too long a time to wait.

He also points out that desi medicines are no longer cheap; a month's treatment may cost anywhere between Rs 5,000 and Rs 10,000 depending on the hakim or the Ayurveda. Happily for all concerned, there is space for everyone. The Viagra craze has not blinded traditional visitors from haunting their favourite hakims and vaids. Add to it the ever-mushrooming sex clinics, like the legendary New Delhi-based Sablok Clinic, and it would tell us why India is the land of the Kamasutra.


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IIPM Mumbai Campus

Sex is a candy

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While it is difficult to put an exact worth tag on the value of the sex trade in Delhi and NCR, it is safe to assume that the amount runs into crores of rupees. As night falls, business picks up. It may be difficult to find a STD booth at night, but you will never be too far from finding sex. Deals are struck in subways, or the girls simply wave down a car and get inside.

Elsewhere on central Delhi's Mandir Marg, muscular boys carrying red handkerchiefs in their hands roam with ease while Moolchand flyover is practically taken over by transvestites. To sum it up, there is no such specific area in the city that can be labelled as a 'red light area'. And the one that is labelled, that is GB Road, is no longer the place it used to be.

We look up a website suggested by a college girl and come across a list of 56,000 girls and boys, the majority of whom are studying in one of Delhi university’s many colleges. We call a number listed on the website (971718****). The first call is made from a land line and goes unanswered. The second from a mobile is taken.

An angry male voice asks, “What do you want?” We ask for Aditi and are again asked, “But what do you want?” We say we want to meet her. In return, we are told if we want to meet Aditi, we would have to book a hotel room. The charges would be about Rs 8,000 for an hour to Rs 15,000 for a night. As a parting shot, we are told that we should not bother calling until a room is booked.

Next we dial a gigolo at (931230****). This belongs to Raj Shrey. He tells us he charges Rs 2,000 but that he would talk to us only if there is a girl to interact with. We offer more money and ask him who his clients are. The usual suspects, group of working women and housewives, are thrown up. In a typical night's work, Raj Shrey has to satisfy three to four women. If the clients are happy, in addition to Raj Shrey’s charges, they also give him coupons to shop with in malls. Unsurprisingly, Raj Shrey refuses to share any phone numbers.

The advent of mobile phone has helped sex rackets. They just get their numbers registered with a telephonic assistance service such as Just Dial in the garb of massage parlours, and half the work is done. We dial the massage parlour (958293****) and a female voice informs us that in addition to a massage and bath, we can get “real fun” for Rs 2,500. We could pick a girl from a Greater Kailash address. We get 10 phone calls through Just Dial and of these eight are of a similar nature. People in the flesh trade operate in the garb of friendship clubs, escort services and massage parlours.

While for professional sex workers, it's a full time occupation, there is an emerging tribe that indulges in the flesh trade occasionally, usually to meet their extra expenses, and without quite knowing the ramifications. Most of these youngsters are outsiders who are in the city to study, but want to enjoy the glitz of the metro.

When we approach as potential customers we are welcomed. But reveal your identity and out you go. Many phone calls later, we win the trust of a woman who agrees to talk to us on the condition that we do not carry a camera or a recorder. We agree. She meets us at the metro station of Kailash colony but only after ascertaining that we are clean. Swathed in brands and smelling of money, this is a very attractive woman. She begins talking to us and laughs at the thought that it is the first time in recent memory that she is meeting men without haggling for sex.


We sit down to have mango shake at a juice corner. She tells us that she is a graduate from the Delhi university in the batch of 2006. She was tired of hostel life where night would fall premature at 8 pm, a bore. So, along with three others, she rented a two bedroom flat in Kamla Nagar.

Living out of hostel meant the expenses got hiked many times over. One of the girls got an offer for sex during the 2004 DUSU elections after which she began getting back late every night. One evening she took the others out for a lavish treat and divulged the source of her newly-found wealth. Her pimp would send her to upscale hotels where she got Rs 5,000 per client. She was paid Rs 15,000 the first time after which it came down to Rs 5,000.

Of the four friends who walked down that path, three are now married. Their overriding fear: no one should recognise them when they are with their husbands. In the 20 days we spent on researching this story we found that sex is available everywhere in Delhi and the NCR. Also, that college going girls and boys are the freshest baits. They are lured by easy money and once in, they find it difficult to break free.

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Sexual longevity is on the wane. While sexual openness is on the rise, the dream of a long sexual life is proving to be just that – a dream

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The recent years have seen a sea change in societal attitudes and sexual norms. The taboos have been left behind and sexual mores are more liberal. To wait for sex till marriage seems to be a thing of the past. Sex is not difficult to get...it is easily available and abundant. Not only men, women also want fulfilment. Condoms and birth control pills have found their way into school bags. The bedroom is a laboratory for experimentation. And this is not just limited to the metros. The heat is being turned on in small towns and villages, traditionally considered the bastions of morality. The society seems to be embracing this change.

This, however is just one side of the picture. The other side is quite the opposite. Sexual longevity is on the wane. While sexual openness is on the rise, the dream of a long sexual life is proving to be just that – a dream. Earlier the ardour would start waning at 40, now the drop starts at the age of 30. Earlier the sexual prowess of men at the age of 60 would also be a given, work stress and a hectic life mean more and more men are putting sex on the back burner. Matters become worse when both partners have jobs.


Daily life caught in the rut of shifts, the pressures of performance appraisals, mental stresses caused by financial insecurities, shrinking social spaces and inequalities in close relationships are taking their toll in the bedroom. Take the case of Amit and Gauri. They are media professionals married for two years. Amit has been on the morning shift in his news channel for the last three months. Gauri gets free from her newspaper shift around 1.00 am. By the time she gets home, Amit is in deep sleep. When Amit leaves, Gauri is catching up on sleep. “If we ever make love it is hurried and awkward. It seems I will have to take leave from work to enjoy sex,” rues Gauri.

Suresh Majumdar, former clinical psychologist of the Ahmedabad based DM Institute of Mental Health says, “Hectic schedules are the death knell of life. Mobiles and computers have changed lives completely. While they have made our life easy, they have also increased the pressures. People work for 17-18 hours and often carry work home. People get up and get right to work. They have no time for themselves and are tired both mentally and physically. Tolerance levels are falling, people are easily irritable. All this impacts one’s sex life. Often people seek help in alcohol but this only compounds the problem,” he says.

Sexual initiation starts at a younger age. The easy availability of porn means children are sexually hyper active. This early start also means a premature death to one’s sexual life. Dr Amresh Kumar Singh of the Devraj Ars Medical College, Kolar, says, “If you are not suffering from any sexual abnormality, there is no age limit to which you can enjoy sex although individuals differ in their limits and abilities. When sexual initiation happens at a young age, sexual desires begin to wane early. Priorities also change with age.”

A healthy sexual life demands a fit body and a peaceful mind. Dr KK Agarwal of the Heart Care Foundation, New Delhi, lays the blame for waning sexual desire on lifestyle related diseases. “A careless attitude towards oneself can have disastrous consequences. A love for the easy life is making the road ahead difficult. Increasingly diabetes and heart diseases are taking hold of younger people. All this affects one’s sexual life.”

After a long career in a nationalised bank, Srawan Verma opted for voluntary retirement and now lives at Noida where he helps his son in his business. “The period between the ages of 30 and 40 is marked by an inability to accept the days of one’s youth are a thing of the past. The body refuses to comply with the mind. The tuning goes off key and sexual life bears the brunt of this.”


Rajkishore Prasad, an HR professional in an MNC, disagrees. “The body listens to the mind when it comes to sex. If your personality is colourful you will enjoy sex all your life. Mental preparation is a must to enjoy sex. But what happens is that sex just becomes a chore. The pleasure is thrown out of the equation.”

GK Thakur, a 43-year-old academician living in Greater Noida reasons, “The problem lies with those who consider sex a mechanical process whereas it is the emotional content which ranks higher. Emotions and feelings cannot be overlooked. These are like foreplay to the
actual act, much like appetisers before the actual meal. Not only do they pique the hunger, they make its fulfilment more satisfying. Every below par performance in the bedroom punches a hole in the male ego. This can eat away into one’s sex life.”

Is there a way out? Vishal Chabbra, consultant psychiatrist at the Vimhans Hospital says, “One needs to be physically and mentally fit to enjoy sex. Try to find time for yourself in the daily business of living. Keep your weekends for yourself and enjoy them fully. This will keep you energised and fresh. Find time for your hobbies. Social interactions and activities are extremely important. As far as preparing yourself for sex is concerned, change the atmosphere in the bedroom. Use fragrances of your choice. Try new positions and techniques. Be experimental. This will bring change. Sexual desire is like a perpetual flame. It doesn’t die out though it may decrease in intensity.” To keep the flame burning is a key ingredient of a happy and fulfilling life.

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As many as 60% of the respondents of an online sex survey have had multiple sex partners. Maybe, the times are changing

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You don't need to smuggle in that dog eared, muchthumbed soft -porn magazine any more. If you want some good ol' titillation, there are a myriad other avenues to choose from. But move over second-hand fun. Now you can get the real-life experience with just about no fuss... Ask for sex. Or about it. That's what The Sunday Indian Online did: Quiz people about their sex lives. The survey, by www.thesundayindian.com, was simpler, and had less inquisitive questions compared to the one for the main story. The answers were candid too, with the respondents coming from all walks of sex life. There were homosexuals, heterosexuals, bisexuals, and a good 26 per cent who were 'undecided about their orientation'. There were only a handful of female respondents. But the few of them who did field questions, went for it full throttle.

So let's start with tracking how the mind is wired when the body is at play. It might be unfair to judge the loyalty quotient of the respondents from the survey, but evidently more than 61 per cent of them fantasise about actors, friends, colleagues and porn stars when they are in bed with a partner. The gender break up on this is intriguing too. None of the females (in the survey) fancy their husbands/boyfriends when they have sex. So who is the hero of their prurient dramain- the-head? Predictably, for a majority of them, it is a movie star. Then there is another lot of women who imagine they are making out with their probably-more-attainable colleagues while in bed with their husband/boyfriend. Men too take off on flights of fancy. More than actresses and colleagues, when it comes to intimate communion, porn stars rule the imagination of 20 per cent of the males surveyed. A minuscule percentage have lascivious thoughts about their house maids too. But it's refreshing to note that a majority of them would rather stick to fantasising about their wife/girlfriend, when it comes to matters concerning the birds and the bees. Variety rules, though. Settling for the usual doesn't seem to be the norm, as more than 60 per cent of the respondents have had multiple sex partners. Of them, there are 20 per cent who claim to have had more than five partners, and 41 per cent who could count it on their fingers. But, like most things in life, quantity and quality oft en don't go hand in hand. So, though 60 per cent of them claim to be completely satisfied with their partners, 53 per cent of the very same respondents contradicted themselves when they admitted that action between the sheets could be better still.

Of course, everyone enjoys a good time. While in the throes of passion, most of these respondents say they like it sensuous and romantic. At times, wild and adventurous. Normal? No thanks. These amorous encounters take place every single day of the week for a good 21 per cent. For 50 per cent, it is up to four times a week. Another 15 per cent find occasion for it five times a week. And then, eight per cent say they don't manage it even once a week. We wouldn't venture to tell this eight per cent that they tried and failed....perhaps they prefer being celibate, for a while. Reasons for why sex does not happen vary. It could be exhaustion aft er a hard day's work (36 per cent), joint family compulsions (11.4 per cent), or just plain lack of time. Nevertheless, more than a quarter of those surveyed get what they really need, against all odds. There are diff erent avenues for “getting it” too. Sex has grown far more symbolic and vicarious in the last decade. Our survey says 14 per cent of the respondents enjoy sex on the web/phone. We guess hormones can now read digital codes. A whole new chemistry is brewing.

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SEX ISN'T A FOUR-LETTER WORD

IIPM Mumbai Campus

Sex is... what happens between the sheets. But it is just as much what happens betwixt the ears. The mind is the key. But are our minds free and uncluttered enough to either draw sustenance from or feed the pleasures of the flesh, guilty or otherwise?

We live in times in which sexually loaded images and ideas jump out at us day in and day out from our television sets and movie screens. But for the uppity loony fringe peopled by the moral police, we are completely blase about this unstoppable sensory overload.

Sex talk is cheap in India. The entire nation seems to go into paroxysms of collective vicarious delight when Munni's badnaami and Sheela's jawani are put on show in our multiplexes and living rooms, with Bollywood divas and starlets inveigling us with miles of well-toned bare midriff.

We live in a country where even an advert for a mango drink cannot refrain from alluding to the Kamasutra. Sex is all pretty aam in this land of 1.2 billion humans.

The question is: how much of the action that we Indians are supposed to be getting is worth all the reams of newsprint and all the spools of videotape that are frenetically expended on it? We can't tell for sure, no matter what the stress is really on – quantity or quality.

Is a sexually hyperactive and liberated India for real? Or is it only a media-created myth, constructed almost on an industrial scale to peddle a wide range of products and events from lacy lingerie to salacious sex toys, from appeal-enhancing fragrances to libido-boosting pills, from furtive rave parties in urban nether zones to ayurvedic aphrodisiacs and Ecstasy, both the substance and the state of mind.

Sex is all around us – on advertising hoardings, television commercials, adult websites, pornographic rags and film dialogue and songs. If you believe the hype, we are at it all the time. And loving it.

But that is not what the nationwide TSI-CVoter sex survey indicates. As many as 40 per cent of those polled perceive sex as either just a "physical need" or, worse still, a "mechanical chore". What's more, 27 per cent are dissatified with the quality of their sex life while 35 per cent feel that they could do with a booster shot.

The flip side of life in the fast lane, many Indians appear to have realised, is a loss of a healthy, fulfilling sex life. Well over 50 per cent of the people quizzed in this survey admit that they aren't getting enough owing to overwork, urban stress and shrinking leisure time.

So, where really does the truth lie? Read on for the answer.


For More IIPM Info, Visit below mentioned IIPM articles.
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'Thorns to Competition' - You can order your copy online from here

Gay men go for unprotected sex

Watching porn video is not a crime

A study has found that gay young men, who are in a serious relationship, are six times more likely to have unprotected sex than those who hook up with casual partners.

The findings by new Northwestern Medicine provide a new direction for prevention efforts in this population who account for nearly 70 per cent of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in adolescents and young adults.

"Being in a serious relationship provides a number of mental and physical health benefits, but it also increases behaviours that put you at risk for HIV transmission," Brian Mustanski, associate professor in medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and lead author of a paper on the research, said.

"Men who believe a relationship is serious mistakenly think they don't need to protect themselves," he stated.

About 80 per cent of gay young men who are HIV positive don't know it, because they aren't being tested frequently enough, he noted.

"It isn't enough to ask your partner his HIV status. Instead, both people in a serious, monogamous couple relationship should go and receive at least two HIV tests before deciding to stop using condoms," Mustanski said.

The new Northwestern research shows HIV prevention programs should be directed toward serious relationships rather than the current focus on individuals who hook up in casual relationships.

The Northwestern study looked at the behaviours of a diverse population of 122 young men (16 to 20 years old when the study began) over two years in Chicago and the suburbs.

The men are a subset of participants in Mustanski's ongoing longitudinal study on the sexual and mental health of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth.

The study has been published online in the journal Health Psychology .

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Adolescents taking a step too early

Anna Hazare: My Prime Minister

A school teacher in a prestigious school in Delhi was shocked when she accidentally discovered pornographic books in the schoolbag of a class six student. The parents of the child were completely ignorant about their son's adolescent adventures. Recently a 16-year-old girl was brought to our OPD in a state of panic. After repeated assurances and counselling, she said that she was pregnant. She was in a relationship with one of her classmates. Few years ago, only married couples would come into our clinics looking for advice on sexual problems. Today, young boys and girls walk in and ask about methods to enhance sexual powers. Teenagers have been sexually active before. What is new is that young children are getting involved in sexual activities. Urban Indian school children are growing up in a sexually charged atmosphere these days.

In 2002, an international survey was conducted in order to study the sexual behaviour of teenagers. The prevalence of sexually experienced 15 year olds ranged between 28 per cent and 47 per cent in boys and between 10 and 30 per cent in girls. The same survey found that while 27 per cent were involved in sexual activities, eight per cent had had a casual sexual relationship. In India, there is growing evidence that adolescents are becoming more sexually active. In urban areas, about 25 per cent of teenage girls have had sexual intercourse while in rural areas the figure hovers above the 20 per cent mark.

In our hospital, we found out that among girls whose friends were having a physical relationship with a boy, 70 per cent to 80 per cent were engaging in the same behaviour. Only 20 per cent of the girls whose friends were not having a physical relationship had one themselves. It appears that teenage sexual encounters are increasingly taking place outside the ambit of romantic relationships, in a purely sexual context. A teenager's decision to initiate sexual activity is complex and is predicated on a number of factors including physical growth and development, peer group values, media influences, rebellion and dealing with frustration and failures. The other factors that are associated with early sexual activity in teenagers include absence of supportive parenting, history of sexual abuse and indulgence in high risk behaviour. Teen sexuality is being influenced by the mass media now. Television, Internet music videos, sexually explicit lyrics all contribute to adolescents' attitude and behaviour towards sexuality. The Internet provides teens with seemingly unlimited access to information on sex as well as people willing to talk about sex. Sexual content is being regularly marketed to children, preteens and teens. Most entertainment programmes have sexual connotations ranging from bawdy jokes to raunchy dance moves. Teenagers who watch more of sexually explicit content on TV are twice as likely to engage in sexual activities than the ones who do not.

In fact pornography is directly related to sexual abuse, rape, sexual violence and sexual deviancy. Many parents avoid discussing anything to do with sex with their children. Parents should discuss sexuality with their children that is consistent with the values and belief of the family and should also ensure that their own behaviour observed by the teens is appropriate.

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Unfaithfully yours: Priyanka Rai says couples are getting to the root of the infidelity problem and not taking the easy way out of divorce

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Shreya Singhal's marriage did not fall to the tempest. It was, she claims, 'built on rock'. Thus despite having a husband who repeatedly cheated on her and continues to do so, Singhal (40) did not opt for divorce. Financially independent with a great career, Singhal believes that the marriage counsellor and psychologist she consulted helped her make the right choice ' that of getting to the root cause of her husband's problem and not choosing the easy way out.

She lists the reasons for her husband's infidelity - a not too great career and a disturbed childhood. 'He grew up watching an unfaithful father and a disturbed mother. The first time he cheated on me, I was devastated. I wanted to move out but lacked the courage to do so with two young children. I took expert help to delve into the root of the problem. This is the third time in the last 17 years that I am facing his infidelity. But I am working on it to solve the problem,' she says.

Psychologist Rita Mehta suggests, 'Divorce over unfaithfulness is totally unnecessary. Couples can work through the infidelity issue and grow from it. Does a spouse have an affair to purposefully wrong the marriage? I don't think so. Most often when a spouse is unfaithful it has nothing to do with the other spouse. The reasons behind unfaithfulness stem from the need for constant self-gratification, low self esteem and lack of spiritual wisdom and knowledge.'

She details how infidelity works. First the idea to be unfaithful is imagined in the mind. Secondly, it is meditated on with vivid scenes and great clarity. Thirdly, adultery somehow becomes justified because of wrong thinking and cultural influences. Finally the act of adultery is carried out in the physical sense. Sometimes the guilty party feels remorse about defiling the marital bond and won't do it again. No one finds out, case closed. But sometimes the promiscuous acts continue. 'Unfaithfulness in marriage is only a symptom of a greater problem. But so often when marriages break apart couples blame infidelity as the culprit, but it is not the real problem. The real issue is most likely boredom, lack of respect and commitment for one another. Proper guidance from experts can actually guide us to tide over tough times without reacting negatively or taking a wrong step. Today people come to us to us to find a solution. It could be because they are better educated or because of the awareness that this is a problem which rocks every second marriage,' she says.

Malini Garg, now in her 50s, got married to a bureaucrat 27 years ago. The Lucknow-based bureaucrat enjoys a stellar reputation among his colleagues and in the public eye. A few months into the marriage, Garg noticed that her husband had a roving eye and had many indiscriminate affairs. Although he has been sensible enough to keep these secret from the public eye but nothing stopped him from indulging in them. Yet she continues to live with him because of his position and power, which she believes can help her three children. 'There is no way I can stop him. I only have to live with the thought that his power and money are mine and cannot be shared with anyone else. He can go out and have his fun but he will come back home. Many men have approached me in these years as well but I have greater control over myself. But my husband's affairs have always been whimsical. Sometimes he tells me he is conducting experiments on women, sometimes he tells me he is checking his own control, sometimes that he just gave in to a spur-of-the-moment impulse. Sometimes I think of committing suicide but the thought of three unsettled children holds me back,' says Garg. According to Mohit Randeep, counsellor with Mon Foundation, Kolkata, polygamy or extra-marital affairs are not new for India, the land of Khajuraho, Konark and Kamasutra. 'History itself reveals the fact of polygamy which is our basic instinct. If we return to the primitive stage of society before the concept of family was born, there was a culture of free sex. And now in the 21st century we are discussing whether family as a social unit is in peril? Is marriage as an institution losing its sheen? May be this is the right time to talk, but polygamy or extra-marital affairs were very much there since the era of the Mahabharata. 'Sex' came to be regarded as a taboo only with the advent of the Victorian age.'

It is an idea shared by Dipankar De, one of the most admired actors of Bengali cinema who does not believe in platonic love. He thinks sex is the most vital aspect of every man woman relationship. De is in a live in relationship for the last 14 years with one of his co-actors Dolon Roy, almost 30 years his junior. He has left behind a 17-year-old marriage and two daughters. 'A relationship which you hide from the world can't be termed humanistic under any circumstances. I don't feel ashamed to reveal that before Dolon, I had two other extra-marital affairs. But I soon realised the difference between infatuation and love. Now with Dolon I feel I am the king of the world,' he says.

Infidelity sometimes ends in disastrous consequences. As in other states, there are a number of cases of murder due to infidelity reported from Tamil Nadu. Recently Poovarasi, a bank employee in Chennai, killed the three-year-old son of her superior officer with whom she was in an adulterous relationship. When she insisted on getting married, he refused and instead transferred her to another branch. In a fit of rage, Poovarasi caught hold of the officer's son, killed him, packed the body in a suitcase and left it in a bus. She is behind the bars now.

Dr. Sathyanathan, director, Institute of Mental Health, Chennai, says, 'Media becomes an important cause behind the rise of infidelity, as portrayed in serials and films. There was a time when merely saying that a man other than one's husband was handsome was considered a sin. But those times are gone. Now women are sexually empowered.' The number of people like Priya Singhal is on the rise. Unfaithfully yours is becoming an acceptable condition.

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The new generation is paving way for a sexual revolution, TSI finds out

After Irom Sharmila last year, Anna Hazare wins IIPM's 2011 Rabindranath Tagore Peace Prize of Rs. 1cr. To be handed over on 9th May

Winds of change

Radha, an engineer, works for an MNC in Pune. She is married to Vishal. They have a happy married life spanning nearly a decade with two children to show for it. Vishal is bisexual and has an affair with a man Radha is aware of this. She knows Vishal has been involved with other men too. But this has not affected their family life. There is love and happiness in their marriage. 'Most people of our generation know that love and sex are not one and the same. We should be loyal when it comes to love. But sex is more of a physical need just like hunger or thirst,' says Vishal.

A prominent family of Chennai came to meet Dr R. Sathyanathan, director, Institute of Mental Health, to discuss the issue of their only son, a homosexual. When the family insisted that he married a girl of their choice, he told them that he was gay. Dr. Sathyanathan, after a long discussion with the son, advised the family to accept and respect his decision.

Since talks of decriminalisation of homosexuality in India even began to pervade the corridors of power, gay nightlife in cities like Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkata and Bangalore has become more vibrant. These metropolitan cities have become the gateways of the new Indian gay culture with its urban outlook and acceptance of homosexuality. In 2005, Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil from Rajkot publicly came out as gay. He was quickly anointed by the Indian and the world media as the first openly gay royal. He was disinherited as an immediate reaction by his family though they eventually reconciled. Fashion designer Rohit Bal has too openly admitted that he is gay.

According to Malabika from Saffo for Equality (a lesbian rights society), the younger generation is definitely more liberal about homosexuality. 'There is a change in the perception. People are accepting that homosexuality is not a disease but an orientation. However, there are miles to go and it is much tougher in case of girls than boys,' she says.

The TSI survey reveals most people do not expect their prospective wives to be virgins. The same survey also shows that youngsters are now losing their virginity at a much younger age. The survey seems to reflect acceptance of today's reality.

Psychotherapist Shilpa Mogon agrees, 'Virginity has lost its sacred value. Saving your virginity for marriage is even laughed at these days by some people."

One reason for the survey result could be heightened awareness amongst the youngsters. "Today's youth is more focused on sexual compatibility with their partners before getting married. To do so, they understand that one has to lose virginity. Now comparing these two, they find virginity is not that vital. Lack of compatibility can break a marriage,' says Vishal. Reema, a doctor, was not happy in her marriage. She and her husband were incompatible. For a few years, she lay low but later got involved with her husband's best friend, a married man himself. They discovered that they were compatible in every manner and decided to be together. They left the city to start a new life. Their families initially opposed this but later came around.

Dr C R Chandrashekhar, psychiatrist with Nimhans, Bangalore, thinks that the transformation in the way Indian people look at sex and relationships is too negligible. 'I have come across a number of cases in which a person complains of cheating against his/her partner but very few are willing to forgive. I have seen many surveys say that a good number of youngsters are ready to forgive their partner if they cheat on them. But my question is how many have forgiven their partners in reality? It is not even one per cent. So whatever the impact of globalisation or corporate lifestyle may be, in India, infidelity is still considered a sin and majority of couples don't tolerate it,' he says. Dr K A Ashok Pai, a psychiatrist, says, 'The individual has realised that there are many more materially important things to be attended to than the biological functioning of a living organism which is just natural.'

Experts believe that in another 20 years, words like sex and taboo are going to have mutually exclusive uses. 'We generally don't want to break our century-old social norms. But our surroundings and the winds of globalisation has transformed the way people look at sex and relationship,' says Mohit Randeep, a psychiatric counsellor associated with Mon Foundation, Kolkata.

Believe it or not, sexologist of the Government Medical College in Amritsar Dr Shyam Sunder Dipti receives seven to eight calls everyday from young boys and girls. He can notice the change in their attitude towards sex. They talk freely about sex, ask things without any hesitation whatsoever.

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Small town mentality on its way out

When Govind Kumar from Jehanabad district of Bihar decided to marry a widow, his family members, Bhumihars, were up in arms. They even threatened to disinherit him. These pressure tactics did not work. Ultimately, his family accepted his choice. Govind says, 'Virginity is an over-exaggerated concept in India. I am happy with my wife. People still look down on me in my locality but I do not attach any importance to their archaic views.'

Sex is no longer a taboo in small towns. There has been a marked shift in people's attitude towards sex even in rural India. Rajesh Ahuja, sexologist at Ranchi Mental Hospital, says, 'People now openly discuss problems related to sex and marriage with doctors and counsellors. These things were quite unheard of even a decade back. Extramarital sex is on the rise and so are broken marriages.'

Navneet Kaur (23), a student of Punjab University, does not agree that a lot have changed. 'Though society has transformed but taboos about sexual issues are still there in our society. I studied in a reputed school in Ludhiana. In the 9th class, there was a chapter on reproductive system. Our science teacher did not teach this chapter and just asked us to study it ourselves and write to him for any clarification," she says.

Ritika, a research scholar at Punjab University, Chandigarh, says, 'We Indian people, especially the men, are always ready to have sex but when it comes to talking about sex, we keep mum. However, the young generation has started talking about sex with an open mind. Here in the university I know two boys who are avowed gays and they never feel ashamed. The time is changing, so is the Indian society but we have a long way to go.'

Cities like Allahabad, Kanpur, Patna, Nagpur and Ahmedabad each has at least one meeting point for gays. Rajesh Srivastava, a retired professor of Meerut University, says, 'As a nation, we have not accepted any sexual relationship out of wedlock. The situation has improved in the metros but for small cities, I cannot say the same thing. A guy demanding sex in a pre-marital relationship is considered lecherous, the partner demanding a non-conventional sexual desire is considered unholy. The situation is not very encouraging.'

But, change is there nonetheless. Ankita writes in a Web forum: 'When two young people are together and hormones are bubbling, it is very difficult to stay in control. Whatever argument we put to justify pre-marital or teenage sex, matter of fact is they are mere justifications. The larger question of enjoyment of sex is directly related to upbringing.'

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