IIPM BBA MBA Institute: Student Notice Board
Shreya Singhal's marriage did not fall to the tempest. It was, she claims, 'built on rock'. Thus despite having a husband who repeatedly cheated on her and continues to do so, Singhal (40) did not opt for divorce. Financially independent with a great career, Singhal believes that the marriage counsellor and psychologist she consulted helped her make the right choice ' that of getting to the root cause of her husband's problem and not choosing the easy way out.
She lists the reasons for her husband's infidelity - a not too great career and a disturbed childhood. 'He grew up watching an unfaithful father and a disturbed mother. The first time he cheated on me, I was devastated. I wanted to move out but lacked the courage to do so with two young children. I took expert help to delve into the root of the problem. This is the third time in the last 17 years that I am facing his infidelity. But I am working on it to solve the problem,' she says.
Psychologist Rita Mehta suggests, 'Divorce over unfaithfulness is totally unnecessary. Couples can work through the infidelity issue and grow from it. Does a spouse have an affair to purposefully wrong the marriage? I don't think so. Most often when a spouse is unfaithful it has nothing to do with the other spouse. The reasons behind unfaithfulness stem from the need for constant self-gratification, low self esteem and lack of spiritual wisdom and knowledge.'
She details how infidelity works. First the idea to be unfaithful is imagined in the mind. Secondly, it is meditated on with vivid scenes and great clarity. Thirdly, adultery somehow becomes justified because of wrong thinking and cultural influences. Finally the act of adultery is carried out in the physical sense. Sometimes the guilty party feels remorse about defiling the marital bond and won't do it again. No one finds out, case closed. But sometimes the promiscuous acts continue. 'Unfaithfulness in marriage is only a symptom of a greater problem. But so often when marriages break apart couples blame infidelity as the culprit, but it is not the real problem. The real issue is most likely boredom, lack of respect and commitment for one another. Proper guidance from experts can actually guide us to tide over tough times without reacting negatively or taking a wrong step. Today people come to us to us to find a solution. It could be because they are better educated or because of the awareness that this is a problem which rocks every second marriage,' she says.
Malini Garg, now in her 50s, got married to a bureaucrat 27 years ago. The Lucknow-based bureaucrat enjoys a stellar reputation among his colleagues and in the public eye. A few months into the marriage, Garg noticed that her husband had a roving eye and had many indiscriminate affairs. Although he has been sensible enough to keep these secret from the public eye but nothing stopped him from indulging in them. Yet she continues to live with him because of his position and power, which she believes can help her three children. 'There is no way I can stop him. I only have to live with the thought that his power and money are mine and cannot be shared with anyone else. He can go out and have his fun but he will come back home. Many men have approached me in these years as well but I have greater control over myself. But my husband's affairs have always been whimsical. Sometimes he tells me he is conducting experiments on women, sometimes he tells me he is checking his own control, sometimes that he just gave in to a spur-of-the-moment impulse. Sometimes I think of committing suicide but the thought of three unsettled children holds me back,' says Garg. According to Mohit Randeep, counsellor with Mon Foundation, Kolkata, polygamy or extra-marital affairs are not new for India, the land of Khajuraho, Konark and Kamasutra. 'History itself reveals the fact of polygamy which is our basic instinct. If we return to the primitive stage of society before the concept of family was born, there was a culture of free sex. And now in the 21st century we are discussing whether family as a social unit is in peril? Is marriage as an institution losing its sheen? May be this is the right time to talk, but polygamy or extra-marital affairs were very much there since the era of the Mahabharata. 'Sex' came to be regarded as a taboo only with the advent of the Victorian age.'
It is an idea shared by Dipankar De, one of the most admired actors of Bengali cinema who does not believe in platonic love. He thinks sex is the most vital aspect of every man woman relationship. De is in a live in relationship for the last 14 years with one of his co-actors Dolon Roy, almost 30 years his junior. He has left behind a 17-year-old marriage and two daughters. 'A relationship which you hide from the world can't be termed humanistic under any circumstances. I don't feel ashamed to reveal that before Dolon, I had two other extra-marital affairs. But I soon realised the difference between infatuation and love. Now with Dolon I feel I am the king of the world,' he says.
Infidelity sometimes ends in disastrous consequences. As in other states, there are a number of cases of murder due to infidelity reported from Tamil Nadu. Recently Poovarasi, a bank employee in Chennai, killed the three-year-old son of her superior officer with whom she was in an adulterous relationship. When she insisted on getting married, he refused and instead transferred her to another branch. In a fit of rage, Poovarasi caught hold of the officer's son, killed him, packed the body in a suitcase and left it in a bus. She is behind the bars now.
Dr. Sathyanathan, director, Institute of Mental Health, Chennai, says, 'Media becomes an important cause behind the rise of infidelity, as portrayed in serials and films. There was a time when merely saying that a man other than one's husband was handsome was considered a sin. But those times are gone. Now women are sexually empowered.' The number of people like Priya Singhal is on the rise. Unfaithfully yours is becoming an acceptable condition.
Shreya Singhal's marriage did not fall to the tempest. It was, she claims, 'built on rock'. Thus despite having a husband who repeatedly cheated on her and continues to do so, Singhal (40) did not opt for divorce. Financially independent with a great career, Singhal believes that the marriage counsellor and psychologist she consulted helped her make the right choice ' that of getting to the root cause of her husband's problem and not choosing the easy way out.
She lists the reasons for her husband's infidelity - a not too great career and a disturbed childhood. 'He grew up watching an unfaithful father and a disturbed mother. The first time he cheated on me, I was devastated. I wanted to move out but lacked the courage to do so with two young children. I took expert help to delve into the root of the problem. This is the third time in the last 17 years that I am facing his infidelity. But I am working on it to solve the problem,' she says.
Psychologist Rita Mehta suggests, 'Divorce over unfaithfulness is totally unnecessary. Couples can work through the infidelity issue and grow from it. Does a spouse have an affair to purposefully wrong the marriage? I don't think so. Most often when a spouse is unfaithful it has nothing to do with the other spouse. The reasons behind unfaithfulness stem from the need for constant self-gratification, low self esteem and lack of spiritual wisdom and knowledge.'
She details how infidelity works. First the idea to be unfaithful is imagined in the mind. Secondly, it is meditated on with vivid scenes and great clarity. Thirdly, adultery somehow becomes justified because of wrong thinking and cultural influences. Finally the act of adultery is carried out in the physical sense. Sometimes the guilty party feels remorse about defiling the marital bond and won't do it again. No one finds out, case closed. But sometimes the promiscuous acts continue. 'Unfaithfulness in marriage is only a symptom of a greater problem. But so often when marriages break apart couples blame infidelity as the culprit, but it is not the real problem. The real issue is most likely boredom, lack of respect and commitment for one another. Proper guidance from experts can actually guide us to tide over tough times without reacting negatively or taking a wrong step. Today people come to us to us to find a solution. It could be because they are better educated or because of the awareness that this is a problem which rocks every second marriage,' she says.
Malini Garg, now in her 50s, got married to a bureaucrat 27 years ago. The Lucknow-based bureaucrat enjoys a stellar reputation among his colleagues and in the public eye. A few months into the marriage, Garg noticed that her husband had a roving eye and had many indiscriminate affairs. Although he has been sensible enough to keep these secret from the public eye but nothing stopped him from indulging in them. Yet she continues to live with him because of his position and power, which she believes can help her three children. 'There is no way I can stop him. I only have to live with the thought that his power and money are mine and cannot be shared with anyone else. He can go out and have his fun but he will come back home. Many men have approached me in these years as well but I have greater control over myself. But my husband's affairs have always been whimsical. Sometimes he tells me he is conducting experiments on women, sometimes he tells me he is checking his own control, sometimes that he just gave in to a spur-of-the-moment impulse. Sometimes I think of committing suicide but the thought of three unsettled children holds me back,' says Garg. According to Mohit Randeep, counsellor with Mon Foundation, Kolkata, polygamy or extra-marital affairs are not new for India, the land of Khajuraho, Konark and Kamasutra. 'History itself reveals the fact of polygamy which is our basic instinct. If we return to the primitive stage of society before the concept of family was born, there was a culture of free sex. And now in the 21st century we are discussing whether family as a social unit is in peril? Is marriage as an institution losing its sheen? May be this is the right time to talk, but polygamy or extra-marital affairs were very much there since the era of the Mahabharata. 'Sex' came to be regarded as a taboo only with the advent of the Victorian age.'
It is an idea shared by Dipankar De, one of the most admired actors of Bengali cinema who does not believe in platonic love. He thinks sex is the most vital aspect of every man woman relationship. De is in a live in relationship for the last 14 years with one of his co-actors Dolon Roy, almost 30 years his junior. He has left behind a 17-year-old marriage and two daughters. 'A relationship which you hide from the world can't be termed humanistic under any circumstances. I don't feel ashamed to reveal that before Dolon, I had two other extra-marital affairs. But I soon realised the difference between infatuation and love. Now with Dolon I feel I am the king of the world,' he says.
Infidelity sometimes ends in disastrous consequences. As in other states, there are a number of cases of murder due to infidelity reported from Tamil Nadu. Recently Poovarasi, a bank employee in Chennai, killed the three-year-old son of her superior officer with whom she was in an adulterous relationship. When she insisted on getting married, he refused and instead transferred her to another branch. In a fit of rage, Poovarasi caught hold of the officer's son, killed him, packed the body in a suitcase and left it in a bus. She is behind the bars now.
Dr. Sathyanathan, director, Institute of Mental Health, Chennai, says, 'Media becomes an important cause behind the rise of infidelity, as portrayed in serials and films. There was a time when merely saying that a man other than one's husband was handsome was considered a sin. But those times are gone. Now women are sexually empowered.' The number of people like Priya Singhal is on the rise. Unfaithfully yours is becoming an acceptable condition.
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